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What's the difference between a dog & a fox?
Three more beers!
The Princess and the Frog
Once upon a time in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.
The frog hopped into the princess lap and said: "Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am, and then my sweet, we can marry and setup housekeeping in yon castle with my mother. Where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and for ever feel grateful and happy doing so."
That night ... as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sauteed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and shallot cream sauce.
Jon goes to the local novelty shop and finds a pair of x-ray glasses. He checks them out, and isn't fully convinced, but as usual the store assistant comes along and closes the deal.
On his way home, Jon puts on
his new x-ray glasses and, bingo!
As he arrives back home, he is eager to show his new toy to his wife, Judi, but can't find her. He goes up to the bedroom and finds his wife and the postman, naked in bed.
He takes his glasses off, and
the two are still naked.
Jon then says:
"Damn, I just paid fifty bucks for these glasses and they're broken already!"
A lady from California purchased a piece of timber land in Oregon. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted to get a good view of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her.
In her haste to escape, the lady slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her private parts. In considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest doctor.
He listened to her story then told her to go into the examining room and he would see if he could help her. She sat and waited for three hours before the doctor reappeared.
The angry lady demanded " What took you so long?" and he replied "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area."
A Lutheran minister is driving down to New York to see the radio show and he's stopped in Connecticut for speeding. The state trooper smells alcohol on his breath and then he sees an empty wine bottle on the floor, and he says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
And the minister says, "Just water."
The sheriff says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
And the minister looks down
at the bottle and says,
One day, a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth, but he had on no scuba gear what soever.
The diver went down another 20 feet, but the guy joined him a few minutes later. The diver went down another 25 feet, but minutes later, the same guy again joined him. This confused the diver, so he took out his waterproof chalkboard, and wrote,
"How the heck are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?"
The guy took the board and
chalk, erased what the diver had written, and wrote,
HOW WERE THEY ?
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