Free Jokes

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  Page # 6

It is better to remain silent and be thought of as a fool
Then to open your mouth and remove all doubt !!

If you have a suitable favourite joke
YOU can submit it by clicking the WOW button

  "JOKES"

Please ... ONLY Original Jokes

NO copyright material !

HAZARDOUS MATERIALS DATA SHEET:

WOMAN:

Analysis:

Element: Woman
Symbol: WO2U
Discoverer: Adam
Atomic Mass: Accepted as 55kg, but known to vary from 45 up to 225kg
Occurrence: Copious quantities in all urban areas with trace elements found in most others.

Physical Properties:

1. Surface is usually covered in powder or painted film
2. Boils at nothing
3. Freezes for no reason
4. Melts if given special treatment
5. Bitter if incorrectly used
6. Found in various grades ranging from virgin material to common ore
7. Yields to pressure applied to selected points

Chemical Properties:

Has great affinity for Gold, Silver, Platinum and most precious stones
Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances
May explode spontaneously without warning, for no reason
Activity greatly increases with saturation of alcohol
Softens and takes a rosy glow when soaked in water
Most powerful money reducing agent known to man

Common Uses:

1. Highly ornamental - especially in sports cars
2. Can be great aid to relaxation

Tests:

1. Pure specimen turns bright pink when discovered in natural state
2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems, when his teacher picked him to answer a question. Johnny, If there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun,

How many would be left. ?

None replied Johnny, because the rest would fly away.

Well the answer is four, said the teacher.

But I like the way you are thinking.

Little Johnny says, I have a question for you now.

If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting the cone and the third was sucking the cone, which one is married ?

Well said the teacher nervously, I guess the one sucking the cone !

No, said Little Johnny, The one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way your thinking.

Question: What do you have, when you have a Lawyer buried up to his neck in sand ?

Answer: Not enough Sand !

Question: What do you have, when you have, (two) little Balls in your hand ?

Answer: A Mans undivided attention !

Question: How is a man like a Snow Storm ?

Answer: Because you know when he's coming !

How many inches you'll get! And how long it will last!

The Women's CREED:

Men are like a carpet, if you LAY them right the first time, you can walk over them for the next 10 Years !

Did you hear about the Irishman, who won a GOLD Medal at the Olympics ?

He had it BRONZED.

I'm not a vegetarian because I LOVE Animals,
I'm a vegetarian because I HATE Plants !!!!

I still miss my EX-wife, but my aim is getting better.

I used to have a photographic memory,
BUT !!!
I never developed it