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Q: What did God say - after creating man ?
A: I CAN do better.
|A man went into a
butcher shop, to get some brains for his dinner.
He sees a sign, remarking on the quality, of professional brains, for sale.
So he asks the butcher:
"How much for Engineers
and so on till he came to ...
Dollars an ounce."replied the butcher,
"Do you know how many lawyers you need to kill, to get one ounce of brains ?"
A lawyer died and when he arrived at the pearly gates, to his surprise, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. What a shock it was when, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was, and Peter greeted him warmly.
Then St. Peter and one of his assistants, took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line, and provided him with a comfortable chair by Peters desk.
The lawyer said, "I don't mind all this attention, but what makes me so special ?"
St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be at least 193 years old !"
Q: What do you call an intelligent man in America ?
A: An Australian tourist.
Two Irish, guys were strolling
down the street when one of them says to the other
Q: Did you hear, O.J. is moving to Indiana ?
He found out that the DNA samples there are all the same.
Q1: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer ?
A: There's white-out on the screen.
Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer ?
A: There's writing on the white-out.
Q3: What is the mateing call of the ugly blonde ?
A: (Screaming) "I said: I'M DRUNK !"
Q4: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a Dumb Blonde, and a Smart Blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up ?
A1: The dumb blonde! Because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, or a Smart Blonde.
A2: None of them, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy or a Smart Blonde and the Dumb Blonde thought it was a gum wrapper.
A boy goes up to his father and asks him, Dad what's the difference between Theory and Reality ? (good question, son). The father tells him to, "go and ask your mother if she would sleep with a man for a Million Dollars ? and then and ask your sister the same question !
Then come back to me." The son does just that, and when he returns to his father.
The father asks, "So
..... what did they say ? "
I was looking through the dictionary the other day and decide to look up the word (DICTIONARY).
Here's what I found, noun: YOU'RE HOLDING IT STUPID !!!!!
See stupid: So I look up the word stupid. ....
was even better, ....
IF YOU WANT MORE JOKES
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