Direct Mail Order Products.
Having had one too
many, the drunk was beginning to display his ugly side.
As she got up to
move, he said loudly, "Honey, you sure look like you could use the
She looked back at
him and replied just as loudly,
the girl to her boyfriend,
"Well, I suppose..."
whispered the man tenderly,
Two car salesmen were sitting
at the bar, one complained to the other,
Too late he noticed a beautiful blonde sitting two stools away, immediately he apologised for his bad language. "That's okay," the blonde replied, "If I don't sell more ass this month, I'm going to lose my fucking car."
A guy walks into a drugstore
operated by a prudish woman, he asks,
"Well then, you better make it 13."
A man went to the Doctor and the doctor told him he had only 24 hours to live, he goes home to tell his wife and after they both had a long cry over it, he asked her if she would have sex with him because he only had 24 hours to live.
"Of course Darling."
she replied, and so they have sex.
Again she responds very
sympathetically and agrees to have sex.
By this time she is getting a
little annoyed, but reluctantly agrees.
Well ... she
turns to him with a grimaced look on her face and says,
Why is sex like air?
It's no big thing unless you're not getting any.
John's 6 year old son asked
what's a penis.
The next day, John's son was
playing with the little girl next door and *she* asked what a penis was.
As a matter of
fact, if it was four inches shorter,
An Australian was walking down a country road in New Zealand, when he happened to glance over the fence and see a farmer goin' at it with a sheep. The Aussie is quite taken aback by this, so he climbs the fence and walks over to the farmer, he taps him on the shoulder and says,
"You know mate, back home, we shear those!"
Zealander looks frantically around and says,
(helps if you imagine using a New Zealand accent . . . )
Doctor comes home and finds he has no water so he calls a plumber, the plumber walks in and has the water back on in 5 minutes. The plumber turns around and hands the doctor a bill for $275.00.
The outraged doctor stammers "I'm a Neuro-surgeon, not some damn dumb plumber, and I don't even make that much for 5 minutes work!"
smiles and says "Yeah, I know,
An old county doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out that there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the labouring mother and her 5 year old child.
The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see while he helped the woman deliver the baby. The child did so, the mother pushed, and after a little while, the doctor lifted the new born baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath.
him again," the child said.
Two older gentleman were
talking and one said to the other,
The other replied, "Yup, a big one... 20 years."
"Wow," said the
other, "what are you going to get your wife for your
"Wow, Australia, that's some gift!" said the other man.
going to be hard to beat,
"Go back and get her."
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